America! Fuck Yeah!

This here is my pet eagle, Patriot. Patriot is so goddamn smart he knows how to fetch me my bourbon every mornin at the crack of 11:30 AM. I love this fuckin bird so goddamn much I kicked my 3rd wife out of the house cause she kept complainin about picking up after this bird and all his crazy american pride themed parties. Patriot is also so fuckin clever I found him sittin in my den on my computer typin up a manifesto about the 2nd coming of Jesus and how the girl scounts are a bunch of fuckin commies they need to be shown who's boss.

Wooo-eeeee! You're goddamn right I love this bird. America is the motherfuckin best goddamn country on this entire stinkin shitfest planet. I DARE you to prove me and Patriot wrong. I won't live anywhere where a motherfuckin' eagle aint got a right to carry a blade around in his beak. I'll kill for that right. I'll swim across the goddamn ocean and kill a whole army of people I don't know just to fight for that right!

America! Fuck yeah!

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