WHOA.

This movie franchise has a special place in my heart for 1) being so stupid and 2) having done some work on a promotion for the most recent film.

In any event, this is seriously the best Vin Diesel has ever looked.

SYYYYKE

Q: Which one is the real skank?
A: Trick question! They both are.

This hot fuckery mess of a couple is my (not so secret) guilty pleasure. I don't know what to say about them, really. Aside from Doug Hutchinson's perpetual child-raper eyes, his 17 year old wife makes me sad on the inside because of her creepy trashy old lady looks. In spite of this I still can't stop myself from reading every article ever written about these trainwreck a-holes.

This is going no where good, I can tell you that much. I guess the real mystery is will it end with: divorce, drug overdose, adopting a Korean baby and naming it Frederick (a la Frederick's of Hollywood or as Courtney Stodden refers to it "my church clothes"), or all of the above?

Pegacorn Dream

I had this dream last night. I was in the house I grew up in. It was dark outside. In the backyard, there was a horse. (This is not normal.) There was something strange about this horse. It had a long flowing mane that fell to both its flanks... no... they were wings! It was a Pegasus!

It moved away every time it caught sight of me. But I caught a glimpse of... could it be? It was also a unicorn! It was a Pegacorn! Unisus! Pegacorn!

I ran to grab a camera and started taking pictures, as it kept dashing here and there. I struggled for good framing and composition as there were only a few shots left (my father still uses film cameras, you see). It tried to climb up a ladder to the roof, but alas it did not know that Pegacorns unisi Pegacorns can't climb ladders. Instead, it destroyed half the house (on account of it being so heavy on its diet of space dust).I kept snapping as it ran away. I got lots of pictures of its ass.

No, look closer.

It might only take a minute to find, but it will take a lifetime to forget.



Hint: check the roof.

Take some lessons, ladies.

Hey witch! You're doing it wrong.

I see a resemblance...

Does anyone else see a Mr. Potato Head when they look at this mugshot of O.J. or is it just me?

Anyway, sweet dreams!

It Aint Over Until the Fat Lady something something

Hey, so, I know I haven't been around much.

I stopped updating my blog because...sigh. I don't want to lie to you. I stopped updating my blog because I was kidnapped by legal aliens and taken to Wisconsin to learn the ancient rituals of cheese worship. I know you can understand.

My February's Eve Resolution is to start updating this worthless crapfest regularly again.

So with THAT being said, let me go ahead and show you this:

This is my wedding photo. I will give you 500 million drachma if you can guess which one is me.

HINT: sexy denims

Oooh Yes.

Perhaps this is how angels actually fall from heaven? A girl can only wonder. By the way, I was there (and topless).

Yes.

In case you didn't already have enough to be afraid of, I am sharing my most favorite photo of recent days.

Oh and hello, how are you, how have you been? Sorry I didn't call sooner. I've been busy for the past 4 months. You know how it is.

Anywhofuckingcaresway, enjoy.

NAMBLA Members
Circle I Limbo

Republicans
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

Hipsters, Parents who bring squalling brats to R-rated movies
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

General asshats
Circle IV Rolling Weights

dairy
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

Scientologists
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

cat haters
Circle VII Burning Sands

Osama bin Laden
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

DMV Employees
Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell

Magic vs Science

Who would win?

OH MY GOD MY HEART JUST EXPLODED

I named him Lazarus and I will ride him while combing his mustache for always.*

*that's what she said

BF4EVS*

I want to drink beers and BBQ with this cat. I want to spray paint the side of an elementary school with this cat. I want to get matching sweatshirts that say "Super Donkey Jockey" with this cat. I want to go to a bar in the middle of nowhere and get into an arm wrestling competition with this cat. Etc., etc.

You're my hero, Swimmy.

*Is the title a license plate # or cool slang?

I hate when this happens.

Don't you hate it when you're trying to take a photo of your neighborhood and a fucking seagull crashes the photo?

Click the bird to enjoy.

Dumpster Cat

I think my cat assumes we are going to go poor soon and no longer be able to afford food because every single night she gets inside the kitchen garbage can and removes whatever I have attempted to throw out.

I woke up this morning and found the leftover spaghetti noodles that I chucked out after dinner were now conveniently located in her food bowl (on top of her food nuggets), as well as all over the goddamn house. All the garlic cloves that are normally on the kitchen window sill were also scattered about my house like Easter eggs. I think this is her way of saying she will cook me dinner, but only if I find all the missing ingredients. Fun.

The best part about my dumpster kitty is her fascination with a leftover pizza box from last week. She used it as a bed for 4 nights in a row and when I eventually threw it away, she knocked the trash can over and rescued it. I had to distract her with balled up paper while I snuck out of the house to throw it away.

This week she also managed to get the bread I had above the fridge onto the floor and after chewing a hole through the plastic, ate almost half of it. What the hell? She acts like I starve her.

Fucking cat.